suppressed

its the time of the year again. Perhaps more often than the time of the year, given that there's many pressing moments yearly that focuses me to focus on accounting and basically plunk myself down to mug this distasteful subject. It's not that I have anything against accountancy (perhaps an understatement), but as an idealist who sees meaning in doing things, I think to not be able to see the fulfillment, satisfaction of this subject, to not see any viable way in which this subject will value-add my life as a person, I don't really see myself having the strength and perseverance to push through these few years of university. Don't bother with me cos half the time I'm just emotionally driven and impulse enough to make such statements. Rarely, things bug me to the extent that I have much to say, or possibly, this might just be the tip of the iceberg. However it just pains me, how me and fellow friends, people, nameless faces, shadows amongst the sea of people, having to put through this course. Perhaps it's just solely me, doesnt really matter. What matters is how this subject, instead of encouraing intellectual freedom, self-creation, and just diversity and vibrancy of the mind, and all these lustful whimsical stuff that accountancy can definitely not provide, I'm left with the need to conform to rules, methodologies, and just pure memorising cold hard facts and systems, that given a few years more, may not even cease to be in implementation. This is how much I dread accountancy. Mental imprisonment. Despite the fact that they have this nuance on professional decision making, ethical judgement, and so on, bottom line owing to the nature of accountancy is: it's just conforming the malleable impressionable, yet creative mind to conform to these little self-constructed methods that we have to miserably put up with. 

Yet the thought of changing my major still persists. And yet, I don't have the actual guts to make the move. Talk about being practical, professional, the upbringing and parental influence have been too pervasive to the extent of entrapping. I really hate how the notion of being afraid of failure, inducing me to take on safe alternatives, is entrapping me from being myself. Creation, innovation, ingenuity, these are values that I increasingly understand and appreciate with the time I study accountancy. Yet I'm programmed to circumvent failure, and just simply take the safe route. Yet is the safer route always the best? Where's exploring and smelling the roses along the way? Perhaps it's the nature of life that has drained all the vibrancy that we presumably have had. Before the practicality and pragmaticsm of life have taken away our soul, leaving us bare and stricken of life and just about anything that sustains us. Instead we are put together in this horrid cycle that is just functionally driven. What I mean: graduate, get a stable decent pay, run a family, that's it. And further indoctrinate such thoughts into our offsprings, killing the little human in them since the beginning, and basically hoping they adopt safe routes and be risk-adverse and just basically follow our footsteps/ desired dreams. Folly. 

I can't really fault anyone. Given that perhaps in our parents' generation, security and stability, (since every family has a different experience and tale to tell), are the the prime values that we seek of a job. Functionality. Passion and all others that make us human, they are secondary, left to be pursued through rare precious times to recharge, what we term a past-time.

Rant is not over. Will never be. While I fight my battle with accountancy (lol such a dramatic basic bitch), I'll champion my mind, how the little human in me will never dull. And how no matter what environment I'm put in, I'll push on and continue to bloom and grow to the best of my ability, not just these plainful yet strong weeds that we see growing amidst horrid conditions and cement buildings. I'll also ace this thing, accountancy, while make sure that it does not consume me, just occupying this little corner of my brain. 

Hang in there pal. 

Thanks. 

residual

There's always residuals in life. How emotions, experiences, memories, sensations, movement always have residual to them, how there's always this fine delicate subdued line between the fleeting of such intangibles. And yet, these residuals, all have the potential to reignite and revive the lingering disappearing feeling, pulling back all the past emotions and experiences you have felt before.

Recently some happenings made me feel that way, happenings specifically  how past previously bygone emotions, sensations, came overwhelmingly I must say, pouring back. It's as if time has never passed between us, and that the old relics of the past have come back, the familiarity of these tenuous emotions, the rollercoaster ride's worth of emotions that I've been put through. On a good note, it was an alright conversation, with hearty laughter (well more on your part lol, while I acted nonchalantly) and just some brief surface talks on life and how time has passed since then. If only we had more time to interact in our own space, if only. Yet I'm glad that I was able to be still and calm, being able to suppress my nerves, tangled in jitters deep down, yet a strong facade upfront.

I'm simply resigned and nonchalant about things now. Tired of the inertia of life that is pulling me back (I love physics back in high school but lol look at the poor use of concepts here)... Anws, good to know you are fine and well I'll be aight too. Soon.

And here marks the end of reading week! Some freak incident occurred this week that got me hospitalized, though it's not something to declare out loud. Here I am, resigned and a sad sod. ._. Apprehensive of the future, the near future, which is my days of finals next week. F. M. L.

shed

Here's a quote I came across this on my momentum homepage

"You cannot start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." 

- Michael McMillan 

For long I've been yet again, falling back into the pit I've painstakingly clambered out of, and yet unknowingly, I simply roll back into the pit yet again. For a long time, I've been feeling as if my mind's clouded immensely, unable to think clearly (yes I've mentioned this loads of times and will do so again, cos it's a horrid feeling -- feeling mentally inapt to think, to articulate thoughts, to express the very fleeting idea and develop them, just like grasping fluttery dragonflies by the tail and.. doing something about it later on). Having the clarity of thought, the fortitude to latch on to an idea, and have the courage to brood over and extend it to various cognizant areas, this is the autonomy of the mind that nobody can have control over. 

"Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof. "

-V from V for Vendetta

I've always admired people with novelty; the ability to create something new, any form, be it prose, music, art, movements and dances (I needa read up on the arts definitely). The ability to break out of the mold and blaze their individuality, it's really marvellous. And just yeah, soothing to the soul. Like what a friend said, a really creative strong-headed friend said, everything can be art, each word that you articulate, it represents you as a person, an emblem of who you are as a person, an identity. And (well she's definitely on the artistic side, talented person) though many contends that the art is useless, lacking utility in mankind (if you think about technical advancement, yes), it's what the human soul needs. Solace, comfort, resolution, and its not what hard concrete facts, evidence can present to us. We are humans with a need for satiation, for knowing that we are not alone, that we are understood and related. (This is the stem of loneliness in many cases) And its the arts that touch the very core of our soul, beyond the consciousness and the blatant. It's the arts, that tingle your subconsciousness, allowing you to actualise and to decipher your human psyche, and to define yourself for what truly resonates with your very soul.

Another thing, identity. Who are you? What makes you truly you? What are you constructed of? Way beneath your appearance, what constitutes you as a person? Is it the way you behave? Your reaction to issues? Your interests and dislikes too? A recent saddening incident sparked my thinking, of what constitutes one's existence. If you were to cease existence someday, what will be remembered of you? Amidst my insecurities and worries, this incident has alluded to who I should pave myself to be as a person. Tata for now my feeble mind is malfunctioning under fatigue. There's loads to be done but for now I'm glad a part of me is rejuvenated, as if I've recollected a part of me that has long drifted away. Things happen and they make you think, to be introspective. Scrutinize life and learn from the many things that allude from it. Unravel the thread of wisdom.

Tata for now.  

 Michael McMillan

at standstill

Here I am, too much has unfolded last week. Exhuasted I am, I really am. Yet what can I do? What to do? What can be done? I ponder as I lay restless, wincing at life mving past me.


Dealing with issues beyond my comprehension-- a dear friend in trouble, and essentially stuck in a war trying to strike a balance with myself, making peace with I. What am I reducing myself to? Where am I leading to? How can I find the way up this never-ending abyss, a concoction of despair, inferiority, superiority, disdain, contempt, desperation, insecurity, and pure woes. Each day I strive to make it better, in attempt, yet, I know, I'm not going anywhere.

My mind has never felt so fogged up, inability to think, with clarity. And the constant worrying of being judged, of being viewed as weird, different, abnormal. Where am I regressing to? High school woes all over again? I need to stop and refocus. All is not the end.

And what I am doing now. Something that feels so inherently against each bit of me, an infringement of my soul and the very values I believe in, or at least presume to believe in. I hate it. I need to shed this adolescent skin and breath in fresh air. I need to spread my wings and venture, with fortitude, into the unknown. Embrace uncertainty, judgement, and just being new. Gravitate myself back to being the person I wish to be. Sometimes I wonder why I simply jump back into the old phase. I've broken free from such, why am I turning back again?

Be myself.

residual

I thought things would have died down, feelings faded, nothing else. Yet unknowingly, things never ended, I guess? Contradicted I am, part of me hoping to be back there again, yet begrudgingly things needa move on, and well, I need to be in time (and digressing slightly, on time). It seems as if I'm still trapped in the past, relishing the old times, though everything has just whisked past me like a wave and here I am, standing strenched in accumulated regrets and linger. I need to move on.

delightedly overwhelmed

words just don't come naturally when I want them to, at least not as compared to the past. Is this a sign of deterioration?? I need to write daily, or attempt to.

I've been overwhelmed with deadlines, meetings (exciting projects coming up!! Especially planning of a one-day forum to which the person in-charge has not replied me back though :( ) and mainly just the feeble attempt to catch up with work. I do appreciate the company of these people and while I have definitely grown more extroverted (though I still have sudden irrational times where I feel like curling myself up in a ball in my room and avoid human contact haha) it's important to attained a balance between being yourself among all the social interaction. Sometime I feel as if I'm losing myself, who am I?? Who am I? 24601! Jk heh.

Rushing deadlines, sigh I needa get my schedule on track!

tata.

tasked

I'm feeling quite apprehensive.  Have I overestimated myself and committed to more than what can fit within my capacity? I've gotta act up to expectations, or at least my expectations. Extremely grateful for what I'm offered and I can only do my best in my capacity. Challenge oneself.

fleeting thoughts

I'm quite certain I've already have a post titled as such: fleeting thoughts. Well, perhaps it's just my feeble attempt to capture any transient thoughts that might just, in a spit of a second, dissipate into nothingness. And these thoughts, tangible or not, developed or otherwise, they are simply extensions of myself, plausibly a construct of who I am and who I can possibly be, unknown to myself. Hmm, possibly shedding light to the potential of myself? Am I making a tinge of sense? Cos I do make sense to myself, well obviously -.-  And nope this is just an extension of how I think I guess; I value ingenuity and abstract thinking. Ideas just sprout and bloom (sometimes, subjected to external and internal environment, good and bad) and I make it a point to at least brush past and scrutinize them, at least briefly.

So many things have unfolded since the start of uni. I feel myself constantly trapped in a cycle of routine, bounded by the fabrics of what we call a schedule, and constantly on the move. I want to conquer this, make the most of what I have. Life is more than just the confinements that are mandatory and perhaps mundane, we need to add our own touch to it. Perhaps illustrated by our personal pursuits, ideally what we have passion for, interest, whatever. It's quite fascinating in a way, how certain aspects, ideas, ideals, activities can make you so 'alive', how things just make you tick and tingle with excitement, euphoria, anticipation, fear (talking about aspects, both good and bad). Same with people too, how some people just make you feel different, more than the typical indifference. well in both good and bad ways. This is just me side-tracking from what I'm supposed to say today I guess.

And henceforth, the start of university. Something very different: class participation.

In my opinion, I do not agree with this mode of teaching. True it forces everyone to voice out and 'be engaged' in lessons, but it's just artificial, constructed, and just... urgh. Makes me cringe to the core. Perhaps I'm just someone that value frankness and authenticity. Genuine questions that may just escalate into a fruitful discussion, with further questions and prompts and simply a deep dive into the topic of question. This is what classroom discussions should be! Not just shallow question-probbing/ restating of points in multiple ways. Well we do need to succumb to this to earn class participation, oh wells. Sad life. Though depending on the environment too, if we are all genuinely inquisitive beings, class participation can be more of a stimulator than driver of class discussions. Or perhaps its just me being inept to adapt to all the falsities we are suddenly thrown at, or me at least.

To be edited, penultimate para.

Tata.

Goodbye

Here's a prelude for a upcoming post (?? hmmmmm). Sometimes people just can be irrational and can only hope for the things impossible. This applies to many aspects, not just goals, careers blahblah. I shall merely see it as a closure to this particular delusional chapter and move on, occasionally relishing the probable good times :') Joining this was nevertheless a good choice I made, albeit bitter-sweet :"). 

I'm confused at why I'm feeling this way too, I mean, I've never expected myself to be that sentimental sort, feeling a deep emotional attachment for somebody (well I am emotionally attached to my close friends, yes, but this.. it's different). 

Ciao and goodbye. All the best and I only hope the best for you. You'll do great in the future, much admiration for you. 

A new chapter.

Initially meant to cater to my casual photography and perhaps cafe visits (well poor students we are xiao sad), I've slowly, inevitably developed this blog to be a platform for me to rant about issues that might be relatable/ address people, especially of my age group. I mean, it's always good to have another perspective on issues and how it might hopefully open your mind to something greater. 

On a more personal level (well I'm innately elusive and repeated termed aloof, even by close friends heh), here's my feeble attempt at documenting my progress and journey to be a more ideal human being. There's still loads of things that I've yet to slowly fathom, and various happenings unfolded have yet again reminded me that I'm only human, susceptible to changes good and bad. Here's in the hope that blogging here, there, elsewhere, nowhere, everywhere(?.?) will bring some enlightenment, of any form, into my life and possibly the few that hopped here by some twist of fate. 

Hello and welcome :-) and check out my kawaii cat pictures from Hangzhou if you yet to. Totes cute af, felines like these are freshly baked cookies out of the oven to the sad broken soul. :'( 

And yup, I'm just gonna blog OTOT (on time own target), no promises though, sorry to disappoint in advance lol. My brains have been rusty circa end of As and it's desperately trying to get back on track. To the world of academics again?? Suicidal. 

Tata and have a nice day. 

Vivienne

Les Miserables

Finally got the chance to catch the musical Les Mis live! Such a sensational experience, and a very introspective journey throughout the show. 

Let brevity take its place, or in other words, thoughts can't seem to hit me that deeply yet. My regret: not knowing well enough the lyrics of the various songs (in my defense, I do know really well my favourite songs, namely: On my Own, Do you hear the people sing, Empty tables and Empty chairs, and discovered a new favourite: Javert's Stars, Drink with Me, and Who am I). All the effects, visual and lighting were spectacular! Really brought the musical to life. Perhaps it boils down to Javert being my favourite character, well maybe more of one which I'm most empathetic towards -- he being a highly conflicting character, well played by Earl Carpenter, his suicide scene, along with his soliloquy and the visual effects,  made up one of my favourite scenes. Eponine is one favourite too, and Kerrie Greenland's voice was simply mesmerising. Well versatile she was, sounding really delicate and vulnerable on one end, while masculine and heroic on the other end. A pity was the live music, often, the orchestra seemed rather irresponsive to the nuances in the singing and well, on several occasions, it seemed as if both the voices and music were not in sync, the very worst: the orchestra leading the voices, making it seem hurried and artiscally-lacking. Heheh Maurius' voice (Paul Wilkins) was intoxicating, how attractive! 

Welll the storyline was liberating too. At this juncture, very apt as an agent of thought, drawing the various essential themes of life and spurring one to introspect further.  Personally I love the undying (or dying in context) determination,camaraderie, and the many themes presented. Well I'll write my sentiments sometime, perhaps here, perhaps elsewhere. Thoughts and ideas cant seem to get to me :((( A result of having inane thoughts and the lack of such a need to think, talk about a nine-month break. 

Undoubtedly, t'was a great great night. More adventures ahead to come! 

Ciao! <3

And one magical element I forgot to mention: it's incredulous how so many songs stem from the common motifs this musical has. They all share the same theme and perhaps common harmonic starting-point (musical-wise) and yet can deliver such contrasting emotions. Reminds me how magical music is, and reminds me of how in the first movement of Bee Sonata Op. 7 no. 3, all musical ideas stem from this basical theme. On hindsight, this simple theme connects all the songs, making them cohesive and united in a sense. My words fail terribly in illustrating the wonders of this musical. 

And to end off, here's Philip Quast's wonderful rendition of Stars. I love how this song sheds light on Jarvert's more human and empathetic side, yet sparks off the start of his conflicting dilemma. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urxk4mveLCw

A fleeting thought

Just wanted to capture some fleeting thought that came across while I was browsing through old childhood pictures. Well, not exactly childhood life, more of childhood highlights perhaps: birthdays, baby brother, visiting relatives, zoo trips etc. Speaking of which, why did I spam so many pictures of random tigers, white tigers, a stripless-tiger, peacocks, camels, and even a humping antelope, possibly male, caught in the act. Trivialities aside, quite a... see I can't even seem to be able to describe, or endeavour to describe at least, what this supposed 'thought' is. Anws, seeing how much I've grown, changed, developed, for better or for worse, there's this brimming curiosity of how young me will envision 'now' me to be, and if so, how will she react to 'present' me? Will seeing how I am aight with young kids, based on exchanges with my tutees who see me as a lovely easy-going tutor, a reliable and consistent proof of that, I'm quite confident that I can strike up some casual conversation. Well can I? 'Young' me will likely be really smiley and soft, grinning while trying to end this ASAP, save the need to interact with other people, least say someone so much older. Though she will find it really cool too, having spoken to some old girl, and feeling satisfied that she has caught the attention of an old sister. WELL I was secretly a brat I guess.  To be frank, I've never really envisioned myself that old an age, past twenty. Seeing how I was plagued with many problems, bad skin, sensitive eczema skin, bad bad skin, and just problems here and there, part of me thinks I'll never really live past twenty or something. Wow the prelude to the world of pessimism I'm up against. And well, I was a fairly reserved girl back then, really shy, and just kept things to myself. Abnormal I would say. However, the past is the past, and shall be kept in the past too.

Well this little walk down memory lane just made me realise how things have changed. How I am as a person, how people around me have changed, how some has ceased to exist, etc. etc. etc. Sigh I sound so vapid here, my mind's a total blank, the kind of airhead stupid blank, with edging anxiety over my upcoming music exam. I just can't give a shit about other things now, seeing how it's the only thing on my mind these days. Well, apart from dramas and sitcom. Hmm let me elaborate. By drama, I was more of referring to Beethoven Virus. Yes I always thought Kdramas are sort of frivolous, well perhaps my opinion tainted by some particular dramas, such as 'You who came from the Stars', where curious me googled the clothings that the cast wore and whoa holy mama, every single thing is designer stuff, from the current/previous few seasons. For example, Uggs bedroom slippers, Gucci sleepwear, yes down to the pajamas,  everything is designer I kid you not. Well this probably sorted made me give second thoughts about Kdramas, seeing how the plot is draggy (for some), typical cliche; unexciting. Well except for good-looking casts. However not all is so, especially when there's a really good cast involved, which to me, is one that has superb acting skills.

Referencing Beethoven Virus, I'm totally into Maestro Kang!!! He's so attractive and charming!!! Well, on first sight, definitely not. His grouchy temperament and hateful words can be such a turn-off (well not to me at least :D, or is it me being masochistic) but deep down he is such a relatable and lovable person. How he intentfully conceals himself, a protective mechanism against being inflicted with pain, concealing his vulnerability with a seemingly tough front, while deep down he is such a sensitive, 'innocent', genuine person at heart. Well, and I really love the subtle yet intense love between him and Rumi, how he expresses his love in such an indirect manner, well prideful and taciturn creature he is. Not just to Rumi, his concern and affectionate to his student Gunwoo and the Orch members too. Perhaps I find such reserved and quiet people intriguing, how I want to get to know them better, look into their soul, feelings, thoughts, see how they are really like, besides their nonchalant silent self. Often it's these people that are really the sensitive and emotional ones. Yes, back to Kang and Rumi's romance, affection is always shown through Kang's cold insults, sarcastic comments, derogatory and pride-hurting indeed. Yet Rumi seems to always understand, well on most occasions, see where Kang is coming from, and basically see the good in him. She described him once as a lost puppy, which is indeed quite an apt description of him. And well, at this juncture I don't really see why their romance can't blossom (already watched 17 our of 18 of their drama, and tbh, I'm quite bumped out that there's no PDA. Well it will be weird, given how Rumi is 25, 15 years younger than him, However won't it be so satisfying, to see even a kiss?? I want to see Kang's loving romantic side. He sent a bouquet of flowers to Rumi in the previous episodes, yet with the realisation that love is slowly devouring him, and in the process altering his style to be one  that's elegant, gentle, affectionate -- he actualised this while rehearsing the fourth movement of  Beethoven's fifth symphony, a finale strongly heroic in nature, he rushed down to Rumi in a cab and trampled over all the flowers. Poor thing, I felt really sorry for Rumi and for once, really questioned his irrationality. Well music is his life, so to see romance changing this aspect of him, such integral part too, might have been really quite a shock. Anws, yeah, apart from this supposed romantic act of his, episode 17 saw the most physical display of affection that any episode will see (so far). Caught in some political hot mess where the newly elected governor does not get along amiable with him, frankly, all people can't really do so, except for third party me, he was supposedly disposed of his role as conductor and blah blah, some politics problems that I really can't be bothered with, in comes Rumi and Kang, meeting at the same place by coincidence. Well Rumi actually had connections to the people in the relevant field, and she wanted to give her consolation and pleas to Kang. just imagine her in her slightly whiny resigned sad tone. And there they two met, sometime after their 'breakup'- they never really officially got together, which was initated by Kang after the bouquet incident. And as they walked past each other, Kang grabbed Rumi's arm intentfully, slowly gliding down to her hand and explored her fingers (imagine the typical korean drama music playing in the background), and after some time, let go of her hand, his expression solemn yet teary, while Rumi was a combination of shock, sadness, resignation, and the two walked on in opposite directions. Yup, I hope my mere words have not just tarnished such a scene. Yes, this's the most they got to!! Which is really saddening cos as accurately reflected by some comment I came across, some audience was pleading for a kiss scene too, and well the hand holding scene made her cry.

Speaking of which, I really love Kim Myung Min. He's really a top-notch actor, and really one of substance. A really pleasant person, on screen at least, he does not just get by with good looks (well he is a charming lad), but more of his acting skills. Unlike actors nowadays that just rise to continual fame by typecasting to certain roles, eg, a talented haughty rich boy, a hardworking pretty pauper, blah blah, he is really a man of great versatility, often taking on various challenging roles. He was a talented surgeon in White Tower, a conductor in Beethoven Virus, and for some movie, even lost twenty kilos to fit the look of a patient with a terminal disease. Yup see the dedication and commitment to his acting, top lad.

Anws enough of my incoherent bullshit. Much deteriorated writing skills too, Imma die in a more intellectually-demanding environment (hint hint in a few months time, another new page to write), though I'm entirely glad my internship ended. That was a mentally encaging environment of menial tasks, brain-killing activities and interactions, which I've still to fully recover from. Damn.

Tata for now.

Perspectives

I've always been one that believe that its the perspectives that matter. Such an ideal can be applied to varied aspects, and today, I'm gonna talk about how it matters in the seemingly 'real' corporate world out there. This post is also final closure to my internship program, a final farewell to such episode, which shall be then locked, disposed of from my memory, or shall it not?

Firstly, lets talk about the purpose of internships. A simple google search produces such an answer:

Internships are formal programs within organizations whose primary purpose is to offer practical work experience in a particular occupation to people who are new to that field.

Yes, this is one purpose of an internship, from us interns at least. We want to learn, be exposed to this particular working sector, and learn skills that will be relevant, esp in the field of work we're gonna do . Now lets consider how the employers think of internship programs: to seek out talent, make use of low cost labour, good chance to experiment/hone managerial skills, give back to community, gain reputation (esp if its a small firm) etc. And this made me question the point of internships before we even decided on a particular field.

Imagine having to do something totally irrelevant to your future for the next 6 months, an utter obligation. This was something I had to go through. Daily, I had to do my tasked routine, and it became an obligation, not one of learning or discovery, defeating the purpose of an internship. And just saying, all these daily tasks of mine were totally mundane: collecting and recording couriers, mails, depositing cheques, running errands etc., and not to say dealing with demanding supervisors too. Perhaps this's the nature of the real world out there, but having to commit to an internship of nearly half a year, with no foreseeable prospects of learning real skills, is mere exploitation of cheap labour. Real cheap, with no need for employment benefits such as paid leave (well according to MOM, it is mandatory for employees who have worked with the firm for at least three months to receive a certain number of paid leaves, to which I was denied of).

Having gone through an internship program, below are just mere reflections of mine that some may not nexessarily agree with:
1. It's a period of self discovery definitely. Being exposed to doing things novel, be it the particular task or the repeated routine of it, it made me realise what I wish to seek of a career:exciting, vibrant, fast-pace, dynamic. Perhaps at this juncture I do not fully understand what such words truly entail, however it was a good period of self-discovery nonetheless. Being able to do things beyond the usual, is always a good discovery of self. That's what 'stepping out of the comfort zone' entails, exploring self and getting to know yourself better. Its this discovery that has made me be aware of who I really am. Getting to know yourself, identifying yourself, it comes with experience for some.

2. Dealing with people at work. Many a times, the supervisors tend to be more lenient to interns, at least that's what my boss said haha. Well after all we are paid less decently than perhaps, part-timers, even if we may be equally qualified. So yup, its a good exposure to dealing with work people in general. Many a times, the boss will not directly be your supervisor, leaving the seniors to supervise you. Well, this comes as great training to the senior management, managing juniors and interns for experience. As an intern, it's good experience to, too, know how to answer to the senior management. With our prime purpose to learn, many a times, despite the unforgiving words/ demands of many, we just have to suck it up and deal with it. Perhaps rant later on but save it for later. Though seeing the dynamics between people of different levels can be rather amusing too. With humour dry in the office, you sometimes need to self-entertain, in order to keep your sanity in tack.

3. You have control over yourself. It truly hit me that in work next time, nobody has the extra sympathy/understanding for you. Needless to say, be lenient on you. They pay for you, they expect work done from you, and that's it. This is called professionalism, and is one that is held in high regard. Similarly, in all aspects, they will leave no room for your 'excuses' or 'reasons', be it official or personal. Well, perhaps there are some more understanding than the rest, however in general, this's how the real world works. You have your own problems, deal with it on your side and do not let it affect your work.

4. Commitment. Perhaps its just me lacking the drive for this particular field of work, however in all aspects, commitment is an important factor. Committing to this particular job for years is no small feat (well under MOM, unless stated on the contract, there's always a right for the employee to terminate/ resign. Seemingly. Do enlighten me on this. ) which brings me to my point: committing. Finding the drive to do this particular job, for years, for a long long time. It made me realise how important finding the drive is, and for me, it's passion. Doing the same thing repetitively is mental suicide, unless you find the drive for it. This brings me to awe at the level of dedication each job requires. Think of the courier man who has been doing his job for twenty odd years, or the rubber stamp maker who has been carving rubber stamps for like forty years. It awes me greatly how people find the drive to commit, wed themselves to this particular job. Perhaps its the lack of options before them, or just due to the stability the job offers, amongst many reasons. The ability to commit to a vocation is indeed quite admirable.

There's still ideas to be expounded on, perhaps not now, in future posts maybe. Meanwhile I'm glad to have quality time, to rejuvenate myself, to explore, discover myself, as well as recuperate on the strain on my mind. Repetitive daily work has dulled me down to be a basic routinal creature devoid of thoughts, ideas, and now's the time for me to recover. I have no idea how my supervisors managed to endure all these and yet continue to do their jobs on a long term basis, for that I really admire and respect them. Perhaps its just a mismatch of skills, ideals, qualities. Perhaps I'm just someone seeking for an adventure. For now, here's a period of enrichment.

Tata.