tasked

I'm feeling quite apprehensive.  Have I overestimated myself and committed to more than what can fit within my capacity? I've gotta act up to expectations, or at least my expectations. Extremely grateful for what I'm offered and I can only do my best in my capacity. Challenge oneself.

fleeting thoughts

I'm quite certain I've already have a post titled as such: fleeting thoughts. Well, perhaps it's just my feeble attempt to capture any transient thoughts that might just, in a spit of a second, dissipate into nothingness. And these thoughts, tangible or not, developed or otherwise, they are simply extensions of myself, plausibly a construct of who I am and who I can possibly be, unknown to myself. Hmm, possibly shedding light to the potential of myself? Am I making a tinge of sense? Cos I do make sense to myself, well obviously -.-  And nope this is just an extension of how I think I guess; I value ingenuity and abstract thinking. Ideas just sprout and bloom (sometimes, subjected to external and internal environment, good and bad) and I make it a point to at least brush past and scrutinize them, at least briefly.

So many things have unfolded since the start of uni. I feel myself constantly trapped in a cycle of routine, bounded by the fabrics of what we call a schedule, and constantly on the move. I want to conquer this, make the most of what I have. Life is more than just the confinements that are mandatory and perhaps mundane, we need to add our own touch to it. Perhaps illustrated by our personal pursuits, ideally what we have passion for, interest, whatever. It's quite fascinating in a way, how certain aspects, ideas, ideals, activities can make you so 'alive', how things just make you tick and tingle with excitement, euphoria, anticipation, fear (talking about aspects, both good and bad). Same with people too, how some people just make you feel different, more than the typical indifference. well in both good and bad ways. This is just me side-tracking from what I'm supposed to say today I guess.

And henceforth, the start of university. Something very different: class participation.

In my opinion, I do not agree with this mode of teaching. True it forces everyone to voice out and 'be engaged' in lessons, but it's just artificial, constructed, and just... urgh. Makes me cringe to the core. Perhaps I'm just someone that value frankness and authenticity. Genuine questions that may just escalate into a fruitful discussion, with further questions and prompts and simply a deep dive into the topic of question. This is what classroom discussions should be! Not just shallow question-probbing/ restating of points in multiple ways. Well we do need to succumb to this to earn class participation, oh wells. Sad life. Though depending on the environment too, if we are all genuinely inquisitive beings, class participation can be more of a stimulator than driver of class discussions. Or perhaps its just me being inept to adapt to all the falsities we are suddenly thrown at, or me at least.

To be edited, penultimate para.

Tata.

Goodbye

Here's a prelude for a upcoming post (?? hmmmmm). Sometimes people just can be irrational and can only hope for the things impossible. This applies to many aspects, not just goals, careers blahblah. I shall merely see it as a closure to this particular delusional chapter and move on, occasionally relishing the probable good times :') Joining this was nevertheless a good choice I made, albeit bitter-sweet :"). 

I'm confused at why I'm feeling this way too, I mean, I've never expected myself to be that sentimental sort, feeling a deep emotional attachment for somebody (well I am emotionally attached to my close friends, yes, but this.. it's different). 

Ciao and goodbye. All the best and I only hope the best for you. You'll do great in the future, much admiration for you. 

A new chapter.

Initially meant to cater to my casual photography and perhaps cafe visits (well poor students we are xiao sad), I've slowly, inevitably developed this blog to be a platform for me to rant about issues that might be relatable/ address people, especially of my age group. I mean, it's always good to have another perspective on issues and how it might hopefully open your mind to something greater. 

On a more personal level (well I'm innately elusive and repeated termed aloof, even by close friends heh), here's my feeble attempt at documenting my progress and journey to be a more ideal human being. There's still loads of things that I've yet to slowly fathom, and various happenings unfolded have yet again reminded me that I'm only human, susceptible to changes good and bad. Here's in the hope that blogging here, there, elsewhere, nowhere, everywhere(?.?) will bring some enlightenment, of any form, into my life and possibly the few that hopped here by some twist of fate. 

Hello and welcome :-) and check out my kawaii cat pictures from Hangzhou if you yet to. Totes cute af, felines like these are freshly baked cookies out of the oven to the sad broken soul. :'( 

And yup, I'm just gonna blog OTOT (on time own target), no promises though, sorry to disappoint in advance lol. My brains have been rusty circa end of As and it's desperately trying to get back on track. To the world of academics again?? Suicidal. 

Tata and have a nice day. 

Vivienne