A fleeting thought

Just wanted to capture some fleeting thought that came across while I was browsing through old childhood pictures. Well, not exactly childhood life, more of childhood highlights perhaps: birthdays, baby brother, visiting relatives, zoo trips etc. Speaking of which, why did I spam so many pictures of random tigers, white tigers, a stripless-tiger, peacocks, camels, and even a humping antelope, possibly male, caught in the act. Trivialities aside, quite a... see I can't even seem to be able to describe, or endeavour to describe at least, what this supposed 'thought' is. Anws, seeing how much I've grown, changed, developed, for better or for worse, there's this brimming curiosity of how young me will envision 'now' me to be, and if so, how will she react to 'present' me? Will seeing how I am aight with young kids, based on exchanges with my tutees who see me as a lovely easy-going tutor, a reliable and consistent proof of that, I'm quite confident that I can strike up some casual conversation. Well can I? 'Young' me will likely be really smiley and soft, grinning while trying to end this ASAP, save the need to interact with other people, least say someone so much older. Though she will find it really cool too, having spoken to some old girl, and feeling satisfied that she has caught the attention of an old sister. WELL I was secretly a brat I guess.  To be frank, I've never really envisioned myself that old an age, past twenty. Seeing how I was plagued with many problems, bad skin, sensitive eczema skin, bad bad skin, and just problems here and there, part of me thinks I'll never really live past twenty or something. Wow the prelude to the world of pessimism I'm up against. And well, I was a fairly reserved girl back then, really shy, and just kept things to myself. Abnormal I would say. However, the past is the past, and shall be kept in the past too.

Well this little walk down memory lane just made me realise how things have changed. How I am as a person, how people around me have changed, how some has ceased to exist, etc. etc. etc. Sigh I sound so vapid here, my mind's a total blank, the kind of airhead stupid blank, with edging anxiety over my upcoming music exam. I just can't give a shit about other things now, seeing how it's the only thing on my mind these days. Well, apart from dramas and sitcom. Hmm let me elaborate. By drama, I was more of referring to Beethoven Virus. Yes I always thought Kdramas are sort of frivolous, well perhaps my opinion tainted by some particular dramas, such as 'You who came from the Stars', where curious me googled the clothings that the cast wore and whoa holy mama, every single thing is designer stuff, from the current/previous few seasons. For example, Uggs bedroom slippers, Gucci sleepwear, yes down to the pajamas,  everything is designer I kid you not. Well this probably sorted made me give second thoughts about Kdramas, seeing how the plot is draggy (for some), typical cliche; unexciting. Well except for good-looking casts. However not all is so, especially when there's a really good cast involved, which to me, is one that has superb acting skills.

Referencing Beethoven Virus, I'm totally into Maestro Kang!!! He's so attractive and charming!!! Well, on first sight, definitely not. His grouchy temperament and hateful words can be such a turn-off (well not to me at least :D, or is it me being masochistic) but deep down he is such a relatable and lovable person. How he intentfully conceals himself, a protective mechanism against being inflicted with pain, concealing his vulnerability with a seemingly tough front, while deep down he is such a sensitive, 'innocent', genuine person at heart. Well, and I really love the subtle yet intense love between him and Rumi, how he expresses his love in such an indirect manner, well prideful and taciturn creature he is. Not just to Rumi, his concern and affectionate to his student Gunwoo and the Orch members too. Perhaps I find such reserved and quiet people intriguing, how I want to get to know them better, look into their soul, feelings, thoughts, see how they are really like, besides their nonchalant silent self. Often it's these people that are really the sensitive and emotional ones. Yes, back to Kang and Rumi's romance, affection is always shown through Kang's cold insults, sarcastic comments, derogatory and pride-hurting indeed. Yet Rumi seems to always understand, well on most occasions, see where Kang is coming from, and basically see the good in him. She described him once as a lost puppy, which is indeed quite an apt description of him. And well, at this juncture I don't really see why their romance can't blossom (already watched 17 our of 18 of their drama, and tbh, I'm quite bumped out that there's no PDA. Well it will be weird, given how Rumi is 25, 15 years younger than him, However won't it be so satisfying, to see even a kiss?? I want to see Kang's loving romantic side. He sent a bouquet of flowers to Rumi in the previous episodes, yet with the realisation that love is slowly devouring him, and in the process altering his style to be one  that's elegant, gentle, affectionate -- he actualised this while rehearsing the fourth movement of  Beethoven's fifth symphony, a finale strongly heroic in nature, he rushed down to Rumi in a cab and trampled over all the flowers. Poor thing, I felt really sorry for Rumi and for once, really questioned his irrationality. Well music is his life, so to see romance changing this aspect of him, such integral part too, might have been really quite a shock. Anws, yeah, apart from this supposed romantic act of his, episode 17 saw the most physical display of affection that any episode will see (so far). Caught in some political hot mess where the newly elected governor does not get along amiable with him, frankly, all people can't really do so, except for third party me, he was supposedly disposed of his role as conductor and blah blah, some politics problems that I really can't be bothered with, in comes Rumi and Kang, meeting at the same place by coincidence. Well Rumi actually had connections to the people in the relevant field, and she wanted to give her consolation and pleas to Kang. just imagine her in her slightly whiny resigned sad tone. And there they two met, sometime after their 'breakup'- they never really officially got together, which was initated by Kang after the bouquet incident. And as they walked past each other, Kang grabbed Rumi's arm intentfully, slowly gliding down to her hand and explored her fingers (imagine the typical korean drama music playing in the background), and after some time, let go of her hand, his expression solemn yet teary, while Rumi was a combination of shock, sadness, resignation, and the two walked on in opposite directions. Yup, I hope my mere words have not just tarnished such a scene. Yes, this's the most they got to!! Which is really saddening cos as accurately reflected by some comment I came across, some audience was pleading for a kiss scene too, and well the hand holding scene made her cry.

Speaking of which, I really love Kim Myung Min. He's really a top-notch actor, and really one of substance. A really pleasant person, on screen at least, he does not just get by with good looks (well he is a charming lad), but more of his acting skills. Unlike actors nowadays that just rise to continual fame by typecasting to certain roles, eg, a talented haughty rich boy, a hardworking pretty pauper, blah blah, he is really a man of great versatility, often taking on various challenging roles. He was a talented surgeon in White Tower, a conductor in Beethoven Virus, and for some movie, even lost twenty kilos to fit the look of a patient with a terminal disease. Yup see the dedication and commitment to his acting, top lad.

Anws enough of my incoherent bullshit. Much deteriorated writing skills too, Imma die in a more intellectually-demanding environment (hint hint in a few months time, another new page to write), though I'm entirely glad my internship ended. That was a mentally encaging environment of menial tasks, brain-killing activities and interactions, which I've still to fully recover from. Damn.

Tata for now.